But Everybody Calls Me Psycho

One of the first things I learned about Thai culture was the importance of nicknames. Most Thai names are comically long to foreigners. A few names on my roster look as though they were produced by Stevie Wonder tapping on the computer keyboard. To eliminate confusion and make life simpler, everyone goes by a nickname. When people introduce themselves they say their full name followed by "Nickname:...."

The nickname system is great. Makes things easier, provides entertainment when people explain what their particular nickname means. Chicken, apple, all acceptable nicknames.

In honor of the Thai nickname, I compiled this short list of some the all time American best.


Timothy "Dildo" Dunphy

So it may not be the most endearing of nicknames, but Alec Baldwn's delivery is spot on the entire movie. If you've never seen Outside Providence don't even bother renting it, just go buy. I guess you could list "assbag" as a nickname for Dunphy too, but it comes in a distant second.




"The Hammer of God" Mariano Rivera

Love the Yankees or hate them Rivera is a force. Anytime you nickname involves the big man upstairs you better be incredibly awful or incredibly good. Luckily for Rivera he is the latter. His cut fastball has buzzed through more bats than a fucking Black and Decker table saw. Dirty, filthy, nasty, no adjective for uncleanliness is strong enough to describe what he has going on. It is also quite possible that he has the best job on the planet. Toss 20 pitches, smile, shake hands and he's out. I bet he doesn't even have to shower after games.


"The Chairman of the Board" Frank Sinatra

Without a doubt my personal favorite. Sinatra's got other nicknames but none can touch the coolness of The Chairman. It's the kind of nickname you get after spending years hanging with mobsters, sipping stiff drinks and mingling with actresses, models and any woman in between. Check out one of the greatest magazine pieces ever published, "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold" by Gay Talese which ran in the April 1966 issue of Esquire if you need to remind yourself just how class Frank was.



The Cast of Goodfellas

Pete "The Killer", "Fat Andy", Jimmy "Two Times" the entire introduction is full of gems, criminals always get the best ones. The nicknames alone are enough to make people want to get into illegal activities.



"The Mailman" Karl Malone

Athletes get some of the greatest monikers and Malone is no exception. He may come off as an ass backwards redneck with a painfully slow speech rate, but his play in the NBA was stellar and you can't argue with such an original title.




"The Boss" Bruce Springsteen

Enough said.

Closing out Tuesday with the man himself.